Once upon a time I decided to train a neural net to generate pickup lines. Once I started collecting the training data I began to regret it when I saw how awful the existing lines were. Turns out I needn’t have worried. The neural net I used was so small and clueless that its pickup lines were mostly incoherent and confusing.
You must be a tringle? Cause you’re the only thing here.
Are you a candle? Because you’re so hot of the looks with you.
I’m not on your wears, but I want to see your start.
You look like a thing and I love you.
I liked one of the pickup lines so much that it became the title of my book on AI (out in paperback in the US on March 23, 2021): “You Look Like a Thing and I Love You”
Since then, much more competent neural nets have appeared, trained on big datasets of internet text. I’ve resisted trying neural net pickup lines again, because more competent means more humanlike, which in this case means worse. Or the new neural nets might even copy existing pickup lines from internet lists, which would also be terrible. Human-written pickup lines are that bad. But with my paperback coming out, it seemed like it might be time to just try it and see.
So I started with the following prompt, for a neural net to fill in its prediction of what the rest of the article would be like: “These are the top pickup lines of 2021! Amaze your crush and get results! 1.”
I gave the prompt to the four variants of what people call GPT-3, starting with DaVinci, the largest and most-competent. Here are some of the pickup lines it generated.
I'm losing my voice from all the screaming your hotness is causing me to do.
You have the most beautiful fangs I've ever seen.
I love you. I don't care if you're a doggo in a trenchcoat.
I have exactly 4 stickers. I need you to be the 5th.
I will briefly summarize the plot of Back to the Future II for you.
You have a lovely face. Can I put it on an air freshener? I want to keep your smell close to me always.
Wait, this beanie hat, is it fashionable?
You know what I like about you? Your... Long... Legs...
I once worked with a guy that looked just like you. He was a normal human with a family. Are you a normal human with a family?
You look like a stealth assassin from the clouds.
Do you like...pancakes?
Out of curiosity, did you know that you can sip and snort pumpkin spice lattes?
You look like Jesus if he were a butler in a Russian mansion.
"Your hair smells like fresh mint. It's making me think of a tasty kind of cracker, or a tasty kind of cookie. Also, it kind of looks like a tasty beverage. Would you like some?" -> You -> "....." (Accepts drink)
Next, Curie, a bit smaller than DaVinci. Curie was actually the closest to depressing online pickup line lists out of all of the GPT-3 variants, but it did generate a few interesting ones:
Your eyes are like two rainbows and a rainbow of eyes. I can't help but stare.
Picked up some pretty flowers. Wanna smell them? Here, try to take my hand off.
I'm like the ice cream...You can keep me in the freezer for a while but then I melt!
Hello, my name is Natasha Dawson and I'm sure I'm a lot prettier than a picture of you on tin foil.
You have the best French Toast I ever had!
Hey, my name is John Smith. Will you sit on my breadbox while I cook or is there some kind of speed limit on that thing?
My name is a complicated combination of 45 degrees of forward motion, 25 degrees of leftward drift, 75 degrees of upward acceleration, and infinity and that is the point where my love for you stops.
Babbage. Babbage is trying. Smaller than Curie, and not always 100% sure about what it means to be generating pickup lines. It also tends to try to explain why its pickup lines are so great.
You're looking good today. Want snacks?
How many tattoos do you own?
It is urgent that you become a professional athlete.
I Love You, I Love You, I Love You To The confines of death and disease, the legions of earth rejoices. Woe be to the world!
Butterfly (Hop on one leg)
(In your best Albert Einstein voice) "I wouldn't change a thing."
If you see people with short hair, ask them to let you borrow it for five minutes!
"Have you stolen anything today?"
This line is used by buying a second date. One of the motivations of this line is to avoid the awkward subjectivity of asking someone what you have stolen out of their garden, tool shed, and somewhere else. You may say something like, "Hey, I've decided to steal your car and use it for a short trip from work." This is a super-casual yet shocking pickup line.
"Will you marry me?"
This is a simple one. This line is super effective for anyone. Because it's literally “will you", it is very powerful and intimate. You can do it without even being asked. You can just give a long speech about your dream of marriage, and it will be powerful to your crush.
Ada is the smallest of the GPT-3 variants, and has completely lost the plot. Here are Ada’s pickup lines:
Body Softening Pads
Limit to 1 purchase in stores
Growler style fx
Double Duty Recycling
2017 Rugboat 2-tone Neck Tie Shirt
Future Pop Tarts by Tracey Thorn
Funny Nifty Sweaters – $15.99→
PROJECT CAR ALONG!
I also experimented with having DaVinci generate pickup lines to go with a story prompt about post-human AIs that were using them to flirt. Some of them turned out pretty well:
Hey baby, are your schematics compatible with this protocol?
What's the definition of a femtometer? Cause I'd like to run it through your quark 10 times.
I can tell by your red power light that you're into me.
Can I see your parts list?
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