Being vaccinated does NOT...

So a hobby of mine is introducing GPT-3 to online meme games that didn’t exist when its internet training data was being collected (the training data is currently only up till October 2019). It’s worked out well - without knowledge of the coronavirus pandemic, GPT-3 was able to do a reasonable job generating quarantine houses.

With vaccination underway but caseloads still high in many places, a new cautionary meme has emerged, for example:

So I collected a few of my favorites as examples for GPT-3 to add to. I started with the largest model, DaVinci, which has the highest chance of being able to catch on to the format. I have for you a few of its PSAs:

Being vaccinated does NOT mean you can hang out with bears and wolves and elk and eagles in their weird southern California forest hell. If for some reason you do this type of thing, you definitely can't ride the raptors into battle or utilize their extremely keen eyesight. Not from that particular vaccine.

Being vaccinated does NOT mean you have to rub vanilla crème all over your body and change your species, but it wouldn't be the worst idea, if you’re considering it.

Being vaccinated does NOT mean your child can ride on a bull made of solid gold to rodeo into a castle full of bad guys. Even if everyone else in St. Louis is doing it.

Being vaccinated does NOT mean you can travel through time and multiple realities. Fortunately you're still the same good-hearted grade schooler you were before you walked out of that basement with two items in your hand. One was the ability to restore the Dragon Balls, and the other was the recipe for the world’s best green bean casserole.

Being vaccinated does NOT mean you're okay with a man beleaguering you with song, also known as singing.

Being vaccinated does NOT mean you can use an incredibly powerful magic necklace to turn yourself into a football player so you can smuggle some footballs into football practice so football players can play football.

Being vaccinated does NOT mean you can kidnap the Emperor of China, tear up some of your China-based robotics studies, mix in some magic, and fly around on robotic falcons shooting grappling hook crossbows that reel in the scarf of a big greased wizard. This is a bad idea.

DaVinci’s references work on the surface level only, but upon closer inspection they’re more like references to stories in alternate universes.

I also tried this with the smallest GPT-3 model, Ada, whose idea of a pickup line was “2017 Rugboat 2-tone Neck Tie Shirt”. It has the following cautionary advice:

Being vaccinated does NOT mean it's okay to have an internal-annihilation laser that covers the entirety of your body in neon green, purple, mauve, red, blue, and yellow.

Being vaccinated does NOT mean you race to finish a 12-hour event sporting teeth shaped like Swarovski crystals that need to be thrown into an empty room to stop Project Big Shot from bursting forward.

Being vaccinated does NOT mean you can get chicken soup. Well, okay, we can. But only when we can. Especially fed by an armadillo.

Being vaccinated does NOT mean you can burn down the Monastery of the Blessed Virgin, as depicted in a Blade Runner movie, by updating Popeye's classic "Panini mouse" outfit and holding a copy of Classic Collectible Painting #1. Enjoy your free lunch.

Being vaccinated does NOT mean you get to travel and lock eyes with the starburnt surface of dead rock while standing at the rim of a deep canyon.

Being vaccinated does NOT guarantee the mercy you seek all the time.

Being vaccinated does NOT mean you can guess at exactly when the sky will fall.

Being vaccinated does NOT MEAN you get a face full of sparkly eyeshadow while dancing in the sunset while the stars look up at you with the same sense of existential importance as the stars seem to look up at a dark sweat band adorned with a moustache that's a half-hide complete with a face of butterscotch that has pupils of billions of fat pink dots.

Ada tended to stray from the original meme format, and one of its variations was interesting:

“Because it's a virtual reality, you CAN be vaccinated and then moved into a dimension with a ludicrously overwhelming amount of magical dovery, I'm afraid to say.”

I decided to give “Because it's a virtual reality, you CAN be vaccinated and then” to DaVinci to complete, and you’ll be delighted to know about all the things that are possible now that it’s a virtual reality:

Because it's a virtual reality, you CAN be vaccinated and then have billions of very loud hats screaming in the air. But that doesn't mean that you should.

Because it's a virtual reality, you CAN be vaccinated and then immediately resume sexy and spend the whole weekend hanging out with your friend, all while a lime sensation (viciously supplied with an incredible surprise) will marinade your brain in pink alcohol/sparking drinks!

I collected a few more of my favorites as bonus material. Become an AI Weirdness supporter to read them! Or become a free subscriber to get new AI Weirdness posts in your inbox.